peace

This morning I am filled with peace.  Last night I asked for a clear sign of what we should do and I got it.  Now what others in my family will choose to do or how they interpret  that sign is up to them.   I was so unsure of what to do, what decision I should make, how I felt, that I forgot one very important element.  God.  I started on this path with faith and that is what I need to continue doing.  God will provide whatever we need to get through this.  To not only get through this but to thrive from it.  Radical faith is what needs to happen.  Not blind faith because God does talk to us through our intuition and feelings and there was a good reason we have gone through the doubt and the panic lately.  However, radical faith asks that we jump in to the unknown and know that we will come out better on the other side- whatever that other side might hold.  It asks that we make the choice to do this.   Up until now I have felt that we did not have a choice in this adoption.  Now we do.  We were given an out that no one could argue with.  We were lied to and mislead.  Now we can choose to leap or to back off.  The unknown will always be there, waiting for us to be ready.   If now is not the right time for us than later will be.  

Logic tells me that we should run from this adoption.  That the problems the kids have are too much for one family to handle.  That our family cannot take the stress and we will crumble. That we cannot heal these children's hurts.  They are just to big to be handled as a group.   

Faith tells me that all of that is a bunch of crap.  God can do anything.  We/I asked for God to work through us and this is what He/She handed us.  If we do not take this leap of faith, God will not be angry but it will be an opportunity missed.  These kids need people who can love them.  And though logic tells all of us that we should not all of us have fallen in love with these children.  

For me adopting the kids is the right thing to do.  It scares the heck out of me but it is the path that i believe is the right one.  I will hold faith in God and know that He/She will help me with whatever i need.  

If my family decides that this adoption is not the right move, than i will respect that and know that it was the right decision.  I am not saying that i will not be heartbroken and sad to never see the kids again- because i will.  However, i have faith that what ever path is taken it will be the right one.  This is not just my path, it is my entire family's and we have to make a decision that is right for every one of us.  If that path is in the opposite direct of these kids, than so be it.  

Blessings Be