The blessing of life

I have been so angry lately.  Angry with myself, with God, with my mom, my family, even with friends.  I was just generally pretty pissed off.  I kept hearing a voice tell me "OK, its time to let it go now" -Maybe it seems weird but God, the universe, my subconscious talks to me like that all the time.  Personally I believe that its God but thats just me.   Anyway, so the voice kept telling me that it was time to let it go- the anger- and I would respond with "shut up" or "I'm not ready" or "Go away."  Not very polite to tell God/Goddess but thats what I would do.  I think I believed that if I let go of that anger then what had happened would no longer be real or no longer mean as much.  Saying it out loud makes it seem so stupid but when I was feeling that it seemed perfectly reasonable.  Finally last night, I broke down and had a good cry.  It really helped to talk out what i was feeling and realized what I had been doing to myself.  I was able to actually start healing instead of just pushing everything to the back of my mind.  Today, I am no longer angry, I'm just sad.  The pain of losing the kids, the life I had imagined for all of us, and the innocence I once had before this all began is still there and I think it will always be a part of me.  However, now I think I can actually start the healing process.  

Some major things to be thankful for:

I am excited because things are finally starting to come together in the film business.  I have two different projects I got hired on as both storyboard artist and as a makeup artist.  I also have a school production which I am working on as well.  I am soooo busy but also really happy!  I have already done 23 storyboard panels for one project (4 1/2 pages in the script) and I have about 75+ left to do.  Its a lot of fun but also a lot more work than i was expecting it to be! I have been talking to my teacher about the different ways I can get into the Union (Local 480).  I am hoping by the end of summer I will be able to get in it.  I will have to wait and see what comes about.   

I am not sure what to do about next semester.  I was reaccepted into UNM.  Which is wonderful but now I am not sure if I should hold off for a semester.  I am thinking maybe I will go to CNM for one more semester then start in the fall or maybe spring of next year.  If i do the program at CNM for one more semester I will have enough credits for Health insurance and actually be able to afford to pay for school without taking out major loans.   

Time for bed.  I have to finish a bunch more panels tomorrow for Legal Hawks and start some for Best Man.  I hope all is well with all of you!  Blessings of sunshine!