a modern world

For the past two weeks or so I have been dressing "Modern" (ie regular clothes for all of those who do not dress plain).  I woke up one morning and looked at my prayer cap and thought- this is silly! Why am I doing this??  I put away my prayer caps and hung my cape dresses in the black of my closet and started wearing jeans.  It was glorious.  I wore makeup and jewelry and every gypsy-like kind of clothing I used to wear.  Yet, as much as I have been happy and thrilled with my new "free" self I have also felt like I have been missing something.  Today, after feeling miserable all day I went into my room to get some quiet and I saw my outing bonnet.  I turned and opened up the box with my prayer cap in it and put it on.  Peace surrounded me and a feeling of homecoming yet it was more as if it was from a past life.  Not quite as strong of a pull as it used to be but still a wonderful feeling.  I think that today I figured out that I need to have a balance between my two worlds.   I do not yet know what that will mean for me but I know that it is the right decision.  

Little brother all grown up...well almost :)

When Kaleb dropped out of high school I told him that he would miss so much.  Dances, friends, graduating, etc....I was very wrong.  I should have known!

About a week ago, we got the results back from his GED exam- he passed with flying colors!  New Mexico is one of the few states that rewards those who pass their GED with an actual high school diploma.  CNM holds a cap and gown ceremony for all of those who get their GEDs- so we get to see him cross the stage with cap and gown and take tons of photos of him! yay!

Yesterday Kaleb went to prom.   One of his friends from his old

high school asked him.  He was sooo handsome. All I could see when I looked at him was a man (still a young man...but a man none the less) and not my little brother.

When I was younger, I used to wonder if I would ever be friends with Kaleb- we were sibs and I loved him but we were not always on the best of terms.  We are very alike and we would fight all the time.  He was annoying and 6 years younger, so I felt that I knew more and deserved to be left alone by the little twerp.  I was annoying and bossy and he felt like I should just realize how smart he was and he deserved to be apart of my group of friends.  Truthfully, even though Justin and I had some "big kid" time, Kaleb would often come along.  And though I would have hated to admit it back then, I loved when he came along.  Family always came first!  Even though that was sometimes hard to understand during my teenage years. 

In the last few years, things have changed and now I not only love him as my little brother but also as a dear friend.  I love sitting and talking about what latest book we have been reading or what we think of how the kids reacted today.  Having "girl time" with him, mom and I is one of my favorite things since Justin moved out.  He is so wise and funny that deep sometimes hard subjects are often lightened with his sense of humor and witty commentary.  He has grown up so much and I am so very proud of him.  He has turned out to be such a smart, kind, loving, caring, brilliant, wonderful, wise (I could go on and on for a long time!) individual.    

I love you little bro!