a modern world

For the past two weeks or so I have been dressing "Modern" (ie regular clothes for all of those who do not dress plain).  I woke up one morning and looked at my prayer cap and thought- this is silly! Why am I doing this??  I put away my prayer caps and hung my cape dresses in the black of my closet and started wearing jeans.  It was glorious.  I wore makeup and jewelry and every gypsy-like kind of clothing I used to wear.  Yet, as much as I have been happy and thrilled with my new "free" self I have also felt like I have been missing something.  Today, after feeling miserable all day I went into my room to get some quiet and I saw my outing bonnet.  I turned and opened up the box with my prayer cap in it and put it on.  Peace surrounded me and a feeling of homecoming yet it was more as if it was from a past life.  Not quite as strong of a pull as it used to be but still a wonderful feeling.  I think that today I figured out that I need to have a balance between my two worlds.   I do not yet know what that will mean for me but I know that it is the right decision.