In my last post I said that I was not sure if the experience with the littles was causing me to want to stay away from parenthood or to long for it. I have figured out that I want to be a mom and the sooner the better (I am not saying I want to be a mom tomorrow or even in six months but I don't want to wait years). As much as it hurts to be a parent (or at least my strange pseudo parenthood thing I am doing) it is also amazing. I identify with motherhood now and it seems strange to talk about things other than "my kids". When I see a parent and child in a store I will talk to them as if I have my own children. "oh how old is she?...16 months! aww she is adorable! I have one who is 16 months almost 17 months!..." and other such conversations.
My Mennonite roots have begun to show and they are rapidly growing into a visible entity. I love to cook now and my free time is now full of sewing projects or knitting projects or some other craft that has useful purposes. I have begun to wear long skirts- yes, I did that a lot already- but now the times I wear skirts out weighs the times I wear pants. I don't wear much or any makeup and very little jewelry. Its so confusing to suddenly feel like this is the right thing for me to do. I love (loved?) the jingle that jewelry makes and the little tinkle of the bells that are attached to most of my skirts. Yet, more and more I seem to be drawn to a Plain style of dress. Only God knows if this is going to be another one of my phases.
I started school last week. I am going to have so much homework this year! I enjoy all of my classes and so far things have gone quite well. I am not sure I fit into the University lifestyle anymore. I honestly don't know where I fit right now.
I know it sounds like I am complaining- and I am a bit- but I really am happy with my life. I love being a big sister/sometimes 2nd mom, I love my family, I love the faith I am finding and learning from life, I love my chickens, and even my school studies, I love many many things about my life.
well off to bed! Have to be up to help Mom get Monet off to school!
