Food!

Yummy yummy veggies!  This morning Mom, Justin, and I worked on finishing the winter garden plot.  We hauled bricks from the front yard to the side yard and finished making the circular garden plot that is by the chicken coop.  Mom and I went out to by dirt- unfortunately, the way everything is going up in price we found out dirt has gone up in price too!  and to top it off they didn't have any top soil or have any ordered.  So we are now on a quest for top soil.  

I dug up the potatoes in one of our garden beds today. I got size lovely red potatoes that will go in our soup pot.   Mom had pulled up our zucchini plants- they were looking pretty bad by this point.  I really needed to thin them out when they were young they ended up being way to crowded.  Oh well, you live and learn!  Anyway, so I while I dug up the potatoes I got the ground ready for planting some fall crops.  I need to get them in tomorrow or I will be risking things getting to late.  I am hoping to have a lovely plot of salad greens as well as some other veggies that will help out this fall/winter.  

This evening Mom and I went to the State Fair to help Justin take down the flower show.  J has been working at the flower show since the beginning of the fair and yesterday he asked if Mom could help him with the take down of one of the shows.  Apparently they have not been having very many volunteers, which makes for a long night of cleaning up before the next show.  I tagged along with Mom to help out.  When I got there I started calling dibs on the produce- because not only are there flowers but there is also produce that gets judged.  Mmmm yummy yummy award winning veggies and fruit.  One of the people who entered his product came in to collect his ribbons and the produce.  "Awww,  you are taking the zucchini.  We were eyeing them and hoping to take them home"  I told him (the farmer- quite cute btw). 

 "Oh! do you want them?"  

"No, no I couldn't take them if you were going to use them!" I replied as he extended the lovely large green squash.   

"I was just going to take them home so they wouldn't go to waste but if you want them I have plenty at home!" He said handing them to me. 

 "wow, thank you so much!"  And away he left...mmmm yummy veggies from a yummy farmer.  lol.  

Unfortunately, some other people thought they looked good too so I only got two of the smallest zucchini to take home.  Should have taken them out to the car right away!  Lol, oh well I don't come away completely empty handed.  In fact, Mom and I came home with a considerable box of produce- carrots, cucumbers, zucchini, butternut squash, tomatoes, peppers- hot and bell as well as some other kinds, apples, pears, and a few other odds and ends.  Oh! and I also came home with two lovely tomato worms.  They are really quite beautiful.  Granted I am not going to be taking them out side to my garden anytime soon but they are lovely non the less!

All in all a wonderful day!    

faith

I am working on having more faith.  God has given my family so much and has taken care of us when we truly needed it, how can I not have faith?  I know I talk a lot about God or Goddess or the universe in this blog.  I probably talk more about my faith and spirituality here than I do anywhere except within my home with my family.  God plays a huge part in my life.  Since I was very young I have known that He/She was with me always.  Sometimes I lose sight of God but that does not mean that He/She is not always with me.   I am not specifically religious however.  Pagan spirituality and religions have always intrigued me.  For a long time I associated myself as being Wiccan.  In some ways I still do but lately the simple or plain way of living that  (some) Mennonites and the Amish have has been drawing me.   I feel pulled in two very different directions.  One is the life in the movie business, the fast pace, the adrenaline, the money, everything....the second direction is giving up most modern day conveniences and living the Plain way.  I have even considered dressing Plain.   I love God, when I start to get down if I remember God (I am working on doing that all the time!) I am filled with peace and usually with happiness.  However, I am not as fond of the way Christianity portrayed by people today.   Peace is a BIG deal to me and I do not like how many Christians believe that God and Peace are totally separate. This is not an attack on anyone or anyone's beliefs it is simply how i feel- nothing more nothing less.  I am not fond of the Bible- that is not right I am not fond of the hateful things people have done in its name.    

You know how most people run and hid when the Jahveh Witnesses come to their door- well sometimes I do too but most of the time I answer the door.  I am polite and I agree with them on their points when I think they are true.  Do I read thorough their pamphlets?  No, not usually but I do seem to feel happier when they leave (not because they have left!) because they are usually so filled with God's light and peace that it is hard not to like people who have such faith.  I am not saying I am going to become a Jahveh Witness but I admire them for their commitment and faith.  Just as I admire anyone else from any religion that shows such faith and shines with such love and light.  God is a wonderful thing no matter what form He/She takes.

the past can hurt

Tonight I went and saw the play "Rabbit Hole" with some of my friends.  It was amazing and gut wrenching.  I had no idea what I was walking into and though "hey, a play with some of my friends.  I can have a fun girly time-I really need that."  While, it was really wonderful to see my friends I am not sure "fun" is the word I would use for this play.  The play is about a family dealing with the accidental death of their 4 year old son.  Its about grief and how each person deals with it differently.  

The lights came up on the stage and the mother is talking to her sister all the while folding clothes.  As i watched the clothes get folded one by one I suddenly had the gut wrenching feeling of "Oh God no, please no, don't let it be about this....please." 

All of the emotions, all the grief of losing our kids, I thought I had dealt with came back rearing its head.  By the first few minutes I was barely holding on to the grief that swamped me.  By intermission, I has just barely held on to my tears.  By the second act, I was a goner.  Tears flowed, snot dripped, and grief overwhelmed me.  

I sit here typing this with a brick on my chest.  It was good this happened because I obviously need to deal with these feelings a bit more.  I cannot keep them hidden away, pushed in a dark corner of my heart and mind so that I do not accidently stumble upon it-in theory at least.  Unfortunately, or fortunately my heart and God knows better than I do and out comes the grief.  I will spend sometime honoring it then I will move on.  I won't ever lose it (because this kind of pain never truly goes away) but I can learn from it and move on so I can be ready to love our new kids with all my heart.