My new sibs

Its been four days since my new sibs came home to stay.  I am fighting off a horrible cold so I cannot type much but I wanted to update everyone on the happenings.  I cannot imagine ever feeling like this is normal and yet already I cannot imagine how our lives would be without them in it!

K's smiles and kisses- what a little monkey he is!, M's hugs and playing fairies with her, and little JJ's cute little nose and fake cry whenever he wants to get your attention.  I cannot wait until the court date to finalize the adoption but in my heart its already completely done!  

I now have: 4 brothers and a sister! I am one of six kids!!!! YAY!

Calendar meeting

Today was the Calendar meeting- for those of you that are not clued into the adoption world (no worries I am learning all of the lingo as well!!) a calendar meeting is where the adoptive parents to-be, social workers, foster parents, and sometimes therapists all meet and figure out what the best transition method/plan will be for the kids.  For us that means we finally have a date when we get to officially meet the kids! yay!!!! (and at the same time- EEKKK!!!).   Mom and Dad get to go and spend an hour with them on Saturday.  I am a bit jealous that I do not get to go but I am happy for Dad especially since Sat is his 50th birthday.  What better present than getting to meet your new babies?  Sunday Justin, Kaleb, and I will get to go out with Mom and Dad to dinner with the kids.  Once the meetings start things will move pretty quickly.  On the 25th we will have our candle light ceremony and the kids will come home to stay.  Considering that that is only 18 days from now, that is SOON!  It is so hard to imagine that our lives will changes so completely within so little time.

I am excited beyond words and terrified as well.  I want this change and know, truly deeply know, even as it scares the crap out of me, that this is the right thing.  Still it is a huge change.  I will no longer be the only daughter of the house.  I will not get to spend as much alone time with my mum or even J and K  or dad.  I will not be able to watch what ever I want on TV or the computer because I will need to make sure little eyes do not see things they are not meant to. Still, the benefits are there as well.  I will be gaining a little sister, something I have wanted since before K was born.  I will be gaining new little brothers and get to learn how to take care of babies.  Which is something that I have been longing to learn and do.  It is strange how the want to be a mother has taken hold of me so strongly.  I am half hoping that by taking care of my new baby brothers that longing will subside for a bit. At the same time I am hoping it doesn't...hmm guess I will find out soon!  I will get to see the world though a child's eyes again and delight with them in simple things like the sight of a truck or a butterfly.  I look forward to seeing the world that way again.

Tomorrow Mom and I are going shopping for car-seats for the boys.  Our neighbor and dear friend and her husband are buying them for us.  I cannot imagine how we would be able to afford this adoption without other kind people chipping in to help us get necessary items.  I truly think God has been watching over us in this adoption since we have been blessed to find almost everything as an amazing bargain or simply given things that we wanted but could not afford.  It has been a humbling and wonderful thing to experience.   I pray now that God will continue to bless us and take care of all our needs.  I also pray that all of my new sibs will be completely healthy.  I am so utterly thankful for all the gifts we have already received.  

 

On a different topic:

As to my last post, I am not dressing Plain- yet.  I still find myself imagining the prayer cap on my head and walking with black shoes and stockings in a dress that is simple yet lovely.  I will see a reflection of myself as I walk past windows on campus and I see that image superimposed over my reflection.  And yet... today I wore makeup and styled my hair.  I felt pretty and enjoyed the freedom of wearing pants.   I have realized that for now I shall be modern and "english" and I will hold off on being Plain.  Who knows what the future will bring though.  I feel as though I am two halves of one person.  One truly, wants and feels the need to be Plain.  The other is a modern girl to the core.  Someday I will figure out how to make both halves happy but for now I am going to take the somewhat easier path of being "modern" and will respect the Plain half and the things I have learned about myself and others because of it.  It will not go away since it is firmly embedded in my roots (for those of you who don't know- my mother's family is Mennonite and that is how I was raised).

Many Blessings to you all!    

Being Plain?

Currently I am struggling over the issue of being Plain.  I feel this great tug to dress Plain.  Yet, at the same time I also love dressing in lots of colors with scarves and jewelry always jingling.  What is the right path for me?  What should I do?  These are the questions that have been plaguing me for some time now.  

For school I did an auto-ethnography study on dressing Plain in main stream society.  For almost two weeks I dressed Plain.  I hated it and I loved it.  There is the utter simplicity of dressing Plain.  You don't have to worry about what you are going to wear nor do you have to worry about how you look.  You go as God meant you to look without makeup or extra stuff.  It was a release and yet at the same time it was a prison for me.  I wanted to wear makeup.  I was stared at everywhere I went.  I felt like I was always on display and yet no one really looked at ME.  It was just my clothes.  I do not want to feel like that again yet my heart and soul loves the ideas that come with dressing simply.  I like working around the house and cooking.  I think I would really like being Plain- especially if I had other people around me who held similar beliefs.  

I do not proscribe to all of the beliefs that come with being an old order mennonite or dressing plain.  I believe in God/Goddess, in metaphysical representations of the Bible and not adhering to every single word in it, I believe that being gay is not a sin or something that is "wrong"- I believe God made each one of us exactly how He/She wanted, and I believe in being open to other religions.   

So where does this leave me?  How can I fit into both worlds?  How can I choose to be Plain and still go to school and be respected?  How can I date when I dress like this?  I guess I will leave all of that up to God.  I just need to find the path that makes me the most happy.