Time flies!

Ack! It has been sooo long since I posted! As it is once again ridiculously late here are some quick updates until I can write in more detail.
I am two days away from being done with school for this semester. One more final to go!! yay!

On November 5th, we finalized the adoption of the three! YAYAYAYAY!!!

I have suffered from a dislocated shoulder, lots of torn stuff, and separated AC joint. That has been a challenge but I am learning to use my left hand.

Dad was called to the corporate office to work out of state for 3 months. It has been hard but all of us are realizing how much we appreciate his presence.

The chicks are all grown up and laying! I am in the process of trying to figure out how we can have a goat- so I can make some cheese!

I have been learning to cook gluten free since one of the little ones is allergic to wheat- and we are not sure if it will become a gluten intolerance as well. there have been some great success and some major- brick like- failures too.

Did I mention that I am almost done with school! Yahoo!
Good night for now...and hopefully I will post again very soon (with some recipes or craft ideas?)!

Many blessings to you all.

The end of summer (or at least the start of school)

The giggles of children being dressed for bed waft from the living room. I guiltily hunch over my computer and type into it trying to avoid being drawn into the bedtime dynamics. Its not that I do not love putting the little ones to bed or being part of that scene. In fact, I love every part of taking care of the littles. Tonight, though I do not want to be a mom. I'm not even really a mom but there are days that I feel as if I have all of the responsibilities of being a parent. As the prospect of school starts to loom closer and closer (35 hours and 40 minutes) I am beginning to panic.

I didn't have a vacation this summer. I never went away and sipped Margaritas on a beach or paddled fearlessly through class 5 rapids. I didn't even get away for twenty-four hours to read a book quietly or sing at the top of my lungs without having to worry about waking the baby. Yet, even as the panic of taking on even more responsibilities to my already full plate begins to make my heart beat faster and my body break out into a cold sweat I know that I did have a wonderful summer. I got to spend an afternoon here or there reading a good book, I baked some delicious pies, made a ton of cookies, learned how to sew (sort of ), spent a few evenings with good friends, and was hugged and kissed at least a thousand times by three wonderful children. It wasn't the summer I was hoping for or dreaming about but in the end it I think singing “Hush little baby” as a little bundle of joy snuggles into my lap a little bit more is much better than watching the sunset on a beach with a margarita. So I thank you summer for teaching me many things and bringing me much joy! I bid you farewell knowing that next year you will be teaching me all new hard and wonderful lessons.

cabbage and ground beef (err turkey)

A family dish that is made usually at least once a month is that of cabbage and ground turkey. The "real" recipe calls for ground beef but since most of the people in our household do not eat red meat more than once in a blue moon we substitute with ground turkey. Brown the meat. Cut up half a cabbage (sometime a bit more, sometimes a bit less) add it to the meat. Cover and let cook. We like it when the cabbage is almost to the transparent point. Add a liberal sprinkling of Braggs Amino Acid or soy sauce (I am sure the original recipe called for a different seasoning but this is what my family prefers) and it is done. I don't know if this is a traditional Mennonite dish but since my great grandpa used to make it, my grandpa makes it, and now my family makes it we consider it a family tradition.

Its funny how when I think about it how many things my family does or has that have been passed down from generation to generation. One such treasured object is a cutting board.

With the names Arnold and Ruth and the year 1937 carved onto the bottom of the board. They are hardly legible after all of these years but every time I take out the board I am filled with a quiet happiness knowing that my great grandfather carved it for my great grandmother as a wedding present. That for years she prepared meals with love using it and then after she died it was passed on to my mother who also puts a great deal of love into everything she does. Before his hands became to shaky to hold a carving knife my Great-grandpa also cut and carved a board for my parents. It is my hope that someday I too will have a cutting board with my name and my husband's.

Tonight I made "Poor Man's Cookies" a recipe from my great-grandmother's hand written records. The first time I made them they came out great. Tonight I made them again. They did not turn out as perfect. First off, I added a bit more water to the recipe (because the dough was a bit too dry last time) and instead of greasing the cookie sheets I sprayed them with cooking oil (err the really bad part- it was olive oil) and instead of slightly puffy lovely cookies they are completely flat slightly olively cookies. While I perhaps, do not believe they came out wonderfully, the lovely thing about having younger siblings is that they seem to love almost anything I cook- especially if it has sugar in it! So as I munch on a very flat cookie, contemplating how I could improve it the next go around, two very happy little boys stuff cookies into their mouths and call out slightly muffled thanks. I think that is the very best part of family or at least my family. Even during times in my life when I feel down or like I am missing something, a smile or a hug or even the muffled thanks from a cookie filled mouth cheers me right up and lets me know that I am loved.

first set of June bdays!

M's Bday was filled with a lot of people, presents, cupcake decorating (vegan cupcakes, icing, and all natural dyes for the icing- which are much harder to find and make than I expected!), clowns, and windstorms. All in all it turned out quite wonderfully!

A very natural, organic, not too much sugar cake (well, except for the icing!). The decorations include blueberries (I guess that is pretty obvious) and blueberry syrup. As this was K's bday cake he got to choose the decorations. M and I decorated the cake. While blueberries are not my favorite berry (at least in this extreme amount) it was fun to make and it even tasted pretty good too!

Where does the time go?

I can hardly believe that it is June already.  I have been busy sewing K's birthday present.  He turns 3 on Thursday.  He has grown so much since he and his sibs came into the house.  I feel so utterly blessed that God has granted us with the gift of raising these kids.  Even during the hard days it is worth it because our lives would surely be lacking the vibrancy it now has with these little ones blessing us each day.  (Some days it takes a bit longer to see the blessing- like when I am scrubbing poop off the walls- but they are a blessing none the less!)

I have been finding the joy in my life again.  During school it is hard to make time to do little projects or big ones that are not part of the school syllabus but during the summer I am free to work on many different things.  We have three new chicks that I will be introducing to the flock as soon as they get a bit older and a few more feathers.  Right now, they are adorable little balls of fluff. 

 I have been working on my cooking skills and setting high goals for myself.  Sometimes a bit too high if I am being honest.  Still, even when there are a few too many pots on the stove top I feel a sense of rightness with cooking.  It is as if God is saying "Yes, this is good, this is something you should learn."  Plus, when something turns out tasting good it is worth all the effort.  

Ahh bedtime once again.  The kinner will be up all too soon and I best get some sleep while I can.  Many blessings to all!

a modern world

For the past two weeks or so I have been dressing "Modern" (ie regular clothes for all of those who do not dress plain).  I woke up one morning and looked at my prayer cap and thought- this is silly! Why am I doing this??  I put away my prayer caps and hung my cape dresses in the black of my closet and started wearing jeans.  It was glorious.  I wore makeup and jewelry and every gypsy-like kind of clothing I used to wear.  Yet, as much as I have been happy and thrilled with my new "free" self I have also felt like I have been missing something.  Today, after feeling miserable all day I went into my room to get some quiet and I saw my outing bonnet.  I turned and opened up the box with my prayer cap in it and put it on.  Peace surrounded me and a feeling of homecoming yet it was more as if it was from a past life.  Not quite as strong of a pull as it used to be but still a wonderful feeling.  I think that today I figured out that I need to have a balance between my two worlds.   I do not yet know what that will mean for me but I know that it is the right decision.  

Little brother all grown up...well almost :)

When Kaleb dropped out of high school I told him that he would miss so much.  Dances, friends, graduating, etc....I was very wrong.  I should have known!

About a week ago, we got the results back from his GED exam- he passed with flying colors!  New Mexico is one of the few states that rewards those who pass their GED with an actual high school diploma.  CNM holds a cap and gown ceremony for all of those who get their GEDs- so we get to see him cross the stage with cap and gown and take tons of photos of him! yay!

Yesterday Kaleb went to prom.   One of his friends from his old

high school asked him.  He was sooo handsome. All I could see when I looked at him was a man (still a young man...but a man none the less) and not my little brother.

When I was younger, I used to wonder if I would ever be friends with Kaleb- we were sibs and I loved him but we were not always on the best of terms.  We are very alike and we would fight all the time.  He was annoying and 6 years younger, so I felt that I knew more and deserved to be left alone by the little twerp.  I was annoying and bossy and he felt like I should just realize how smart he was and he deserved to be apart of my group of friends.  Truthfully, even though Justin and I had some "big kid" time, Kaleb would often come along.  And though I would have hated to admit it back then, I loved when he came along.  Family always came first!  Even though that was sometimes hard to understand during my teenage years. 

In the last few years, things have changed and now I not only love him as my little brother but also as a dear friend.  I love sitting and talking about what latest book we have been reading or what we think of how the kids reacted today.  Having "girl time" with him, mom and I is one of my favorite things since Justin moved out.  He is so wise and funny that deep sometimes hard subjects are often lightened with his sense of humor and witty commentary.  He has grown up so much and I am so very proud of him.  He has turned out to be such a smart, kind, loving, caring, brilliant, wonderful, wise (I could go on and on for a long time!) individual.    

I love you little bro! 

Anyone seen a copper car?

It is interesting what life brings us.  This past Sunday when I was working at church my purse was stolen from the nursery and along with it went my car (err Justin and my car).   After the initial shock and anger, I realized that it wasn't that big of a deal.  By the time the police came, I was laughing about it...in a I can't believe this happened but thank God no one was hurt, at least its only a car kind of laugh.  I had just gotten the car, so I was used to not having one.  In truth it wasn't until I realized that my favorite blue sweater was in the back seat of the car that I got pissed and even then that passed pretty quickly.  

This has put a lot of things in perspective for me.  If I don't stress about my car and purse being stolen (yes, it is a total inconvenience and disappointing but everything can be replaced) than I should not stress about the other things in life that have had me worried.  So this is my new theme on life!  Stress less!  Worry less!  I read once a saying that goes something like this: "when worry comes knocking at your door, send faith to answer and you will find that there is no one there"  This is what I am trying to do.  

Once again, I am writing ridiculously late and I need to get some sleep!

PS on a side note I had my first Sign dream! Other people in class have said that they have started dreaming and signing but I had not until just the other night!   I hope that this becomes more of a fixture in my dream world!  it makes things a bit more fun :)

expansion?

While we would love to have a small farm, right now it seems as if we are supposed to stay in the city.  So we are urban homesteaders! A few months back Mom and I stumbled upon the site of the Dervaes.  They are urban homesteaders in California, who have done amazing things with the small amount of land they have. Check out their site! http://www.pathtofreedom.com/ 

We are working on making our yard both child friendly and a place than can better sustain us.

Since we moved into this house we have had dreams of buying the house (or houses) next door to us.  A few days ago our next door neighbor left us a letter telling us that he is planning on moving next may (2010)! He offered us the first chance at the house and we said Yes!...well, OK we said as soon as you figure out how much you are going to sell it for we would love to know! and...we are very very interested! Already dreams of what we are going to do with the house and the yard are filtering into our daily conversations.  I want to expand the flock of chickens- or maybe get some quail.  Mom and I want a bunch more raised beds for veggies and a small orchard.  Since there are allergy issues in the family a dog cannot happen but a pygmy goat can!

It should be fun to see what happens.  Hopefully the house will be in our price range and we will be able to get it...if not then it wasn't meant to be! 

  

Only a short post today...I have to run and clean out the chicken coop!

 

Beginning of April update

March came and went and I did not update...sorry.  So many trying/frustrating/wonderful/awe inspiring things have happened in the last month.  The more I am around these kids the more my heart expands with love for them.   I cannot even express in words how my heart almost hurts from loving them so much.  I know they have only been with us for four months but I cannot imagine that they haven't always been here.  Yet, at the same time I remember clearly how things were before they came.  I am so grateful they are in our lives.  

  Today was a hard day.  It had some nice points but it was a hard day emotionally.  I know God's timing is sometimes painful but always perfect....right now its just at the painful point, I am sure it will make sense later on though.  Today was the 30 day mark from after the TPR papers had been filed with the court.  We had to wait 30 days after the filing to make sure BM doesn't appeal before we can work on finalization. We have been counting down the days until today.  BM waited 29 days.  I know this is a last ditch effort on her part and others but it stinks that we are not going to be able to even start the process to finalize the adoption until after the appeal is heard.  I will just pray that that happens soon and that it thrown out quickly.  

I think I am too tired and a bit too disappointed/heartsore/angry/frustrated/etc...to write coherently tonight.  I will try to update soon.  Hopefully with better news.    Please send prayers/happy thoughts/positive vibes/whatever positive cosmic thing you believe in our way. Thanks!

Feb. update

I am not really sure what to write.   There have been a million and one things that have happened since my last update but most probably are not interesting to anyone but me and my family.  

Today, I was chasing my chickens from a garden bed that has some straggly winter lettuce holding on and I noticed little green shoots coming out of the bare ground.  Several months ago (probably 3 or 4) I planted at least 20 to 25+ onion bulbs.  Nothing has shown of them for all that time.  I thought that I had probably planted them wrong or they were a bad batch of bulbs.  I laughed with joy when I saw the little green sprouts today.  Sometimes it is best to wait for God's timing.  Everything in God's time is perfect.  My mom told me once a saying she had heard "God's timing might be painful but it is always perfect" How very true that is! 

One big thing that has happened in the last month is that the littles are now legally free! their TPR (termination of parental rights) meeting went smoothly- of course I am still doing a happy dance for our family! However, part of me truly grieves for the loss that the kids' mother, grandmother, and family are going through.   We want to do an open adoption but whether or not that is in the best interest of the kids right now...it is hard to say.   I think the only thing that can be done is to pray that their bio mom gets clean and at that time attempt contact via the social workers.  If that happens then I believe that we will be open to at least a po box for letters and pictures...more than that? Only God knows.  

Its amazing how once I opened myself up to my Mennonite roots, God has taken a stronghold on my life.   It is not that God wasn't part of my life before- of course God was there! I have always had a strong faith in God and in the feeling, what I call the God feeling or voice, that I have when I pray.  Before, I admit, there would be days that passed when I would not pray When I would not even think about God.  Now that is very different.  It feels like I am suddenly aware that God has been with me, and is with me, always.  It is a wonderful feeling.

I hope I am not sounding preachy.  That is not my intent at all!  I hope people can respect my "new" path and know that my openness and keen interest in other cultures and ways of life has not disappeared with my new awareness of God.  I still firmly believe that God is too big for just one religion and that people can find their own paths to God in their own ways.   This does not fit with Conservative Mennonite beliefs so perhaps I shall not ever be truly "Mennonite" but I cannot change what I feel to be true.  God is Good and I cannot, will not, believe that God would make people who are not Christians suffer just because they believe in Him/Her/It differently.  That theory does not fit with my view and deep soul knowledge of God.   

One of the best things about my new awareness of God in every part of my life is that I now can be comfortable around people who have similar strong faiths.  It is an unexpected blessing and one that I am extremely grateful for especially recently!

OK enough of that :)....

I am going to sign off for now.  I need to wake up early so I can bake cupcakes for my friend and make french bread dough for dinner all before I get ready for church!  Tomorrow promises to be another busy day but one filled with joy! 

I hope you are all doing extremely well this month! 

Jan. update

So many things to say and I am way to tired to do any of them justice.

 In my last post I said that I was not sure if the experience with the littles was causing me to want to stay away from parenthood or to long for it.  I have figured out that I want to be a mom and the sooner the better (I am not saying I want to be a mom tomorrow or even in six months but I don't want to wait years).  As much as it hurts to be a parent (or at least my strange pseudo parenthood thing I am doing) it is also amazing.  I identify with motherhood now and it seems strange to talk about things other than "my kids".  When I see a parent and child in a store I will talk to them as if I have my own children.  "oh how old is she?...16 months! aww she is adorable! I have one who is 16 months almost 17 months!..." and other such conversations.

My Mennonite roots have begun to show and they are rapidly growing into a visible entity.   I love to cook now and my free time is now full of sewing projects or knitting projects or some other craft that has useful purposes.  I have begun to wear long skirts- yes, I did that a lot already- but now the times I wear skirts out weighs the times I wear pants.  I don't wear much or any makeup and very little jewelry.  Its so confusing to suddenly feel like this is the right thing for me to do.  I love (loved?) the jingle that jewelry makes and the little tinkle of the bells that are attached to most of my skirts.  Yet, more and more I seem to be drawn to a Plain style of dress.   Only God knows if this is going to be another one of my phases.  

 

I started school last week.  I am going to have so much homework this year! I enjoy all of my classes and so far things have gone quite well.  I am not sure I fit into the University lifestyle anymore.  I honestly don't know where I fit right now.  

I know it sounds like I am complaining- and I am a bit- but I really am happy with my life.  I love being a big sister/sometimes 2nd mom, I love my family, I love the faith I am finding and learning from life, I love my chickens, and even my school studies, I love many many things about my life.  

well off to bed! Have to be up to help Mom get Monet off to school!