Martians and Love

I just watched Martian Child with my mom.  I loved this movie.  It is about loss, love, being out of the norm, and as the theme of my life goes right now adoption.  As in most films about adoption you do not see how hard it is to actually adopt.  All of the major processes are left out- of course if they had them all in the movie then it would take up the entire two hours.  Still, I really enjoyed this movie for the message of love it left me with and for the clear resolve to adopt.  So badly do i want to be a parent but i know at this point in my life i am not ready for that step.  Instead i want to share my life with a new sibling (or siblings) who i can love and hopefully help teach that family can be forever.  

 

The hardest job we have here on this planet is loving.  There is nothing more frightening then opening yourself up to someone.  It leaves us completely open to the other person.  Sometimes, alright most of the time, when we open ourselves up to love we will get hurt.  Sometimes that pain will only be minor and other times it will leave a scar.  The main thing is that we do not shy away from love after being hurt.  Do not become embittered by that pain.  That pain, as horrible as it is, just shows us how deeply open we were to love.   It is not a bad thing.  In fact, it is a very very good thing.   

It is easy to say, "be open to love" but it is another thing all together to actually be open to love.  I have had a hard time following the advice my heart gives me because I have been afraid of the pain I would be opening myself too.  I figured that I had enough pain in my life, from my own body, that I did not need to invite in more.  How wrong I was.  The more I shut myself off to love the more my body shut down and the more physical pain I felt.  No one can survive without love- it is essential to life. I believed that the love I had for my family was enough.  When I finally opened myself up to love I suddenly caught a glimpse of the bigger picture.  Unfortunately, this time around my heart was broken but the love I felt was very real, is very real, and will always be.  I would not for anything in the world give up the experience of loving those children, even knowing now how things would turn out, even knowing that I would feel my first true heartbreak.  I have never been as terrified in my life as when I was with Katilyn and the boys nor have I felt such as strong wave of love.  Don't get me wrong, I love my family with all my heart and soul but the love I felt for those kids was different.  I was born loving my family so that was easy but loving those kids was both the easiest and hardest thing I have ever done.  I am so thankful to them for what they gave me and what their love will continue to give me for the rest of my life.  I am willing to be open to love now partly because I know as bad as the heartache is I can survive the pain and partly because I know it is worth it.   So world here I come ready for love!  I hope this time around love will not come with quite so much heartache but I am willing to chance it because I know it will be worth it.