sanity or insanity? that is the question...

HAHAHA...slightly mad.  I had no idea that things could get worse- but they could and did.  I was reading some of my latest blogs and well the annoyance- and that is all it was comparatively- I felt when Kr. first came into the house was nothing compared to the down right insanity that I am now feeling.  My mind is literally shutting down and breaking apart.  I simply cannot go into all of the details of what has been happening but tonight mom locked up all of our knives.  Before that it was the meds before that it was the computers and the phone.  This has been an on going nightmare- and yes I have literally been having nightmares about her too!   

Being scared of what each new temper tantrum/blowout will bring has become second nature.  I said last night that I did not believe she would ever do anything violent- she hasn't Done anything yet but I am no longer so certain that she will not.  she has "unintentionally" been beating up mom slowly but steadily.  I say "unintentionally" because all of them have "seemed" like accidents so far but after she says "sorry" she will often laugh.   Like to night she punched mom in the stomach.  She flung her arms out (she knew mom was siting right beside her- hard not to notice that) and smacked mom in the tummy.  Mom said "OW!" and Kr replied "sorry." then burst out laughing.   That was only the episode I could hear as mom was putting her to bed...I found out more once mom came out of her room.  

This is getting ridiculous.  We are all walking like zombies in our own home.  Exhausted (that is the only word i can think of right now but it does not adequately describe how we are actually feeling) from having to deal with the constant arguing, blowouts, and negativity.    I am so beyond being done.  I know the rest of the family feels the same way.  

One of the things I hate the most about this situation is how two faced she is.  She is so sickeningly sweet to other people that even mom's dear friend Barb who walks with mom every night could not/ would not believe the things we were telling her.  Finally Kr slipped up and showed her other face to Barb and now she believes us.  I feel so bad about thinking badly of B and S the adoptive parents who gave her up.  I get it now.  She had us taken in completely when we first met her.  We have only had to deal with her for almost 7 weeks and we are all DONE with her!  They had to deal with her for a lot longer.  

Am I thankful for this experience and the lessons I have been learning- yes.  Am I ready for this lesson and experience to be over?- YES!!!

Please Please PLEASE God let our next foster/adoption experience be filled with love and happiness and not heartache and insanity!  Please let the kids have very little to no problems.  Please let them have open hearts that are ready to love and Can love and please let them have easy wonderful personalities.  Maybe I am asking too much but after what we have gone through with the last adoption/foster experiences please let us be in for some happy times and good luck!  

Thank you