new lessons learned

Well, the lesson of don't count your chickens before your eggs hatch is a very good one.  

I said to soon that we would be taking in Kr.  After reviewing all the information my family has decided against taking her on even as a foster child.  Because lets face it with my family a foster child who is legally free for adoption basically just means a bit slower transition into our household as a permeant member of the family.  Once something or someone comes into our house they become family.   

Now the final "no" has not been made yet so I am not going to say with complete certainty that this is a no but i am pretty sure...as sure as i was last night when i wrote that it was a yes.  Which is to say I don't have the faintest foggiest clue in God's green earth what the hell is going to happen!   This whole adoption process stinks!  I hate being a 'child' in this situation and seeming to be one step behind everything.  I talk to mom for at least 3 hours a day about adoption ....so say we have been doing this for a year and a half thats 547 days x (at least) 3 hours a day that equals out to be 1,641 hours spend just Talking about adoption!  and yet i am still out of the loop.  I just don't know what to expect anymore!  I wish it was as easy as in the movies.  You want a child so you go to some orphanage and see a baby that is perfect and cute point to it- pick it up- and its yours!  no crazy crap, no massive expenses, no heart ache as you learn what people have done to a child and what the child has done....simple, clean, easy.  Still that is not how the world works and that would give a lot of people who really shouldn't be parents the chance to be parents.    

I have learned not to get my hopes up or count on something until it is signed, sealed, and delivered!    Maybe that is a jaded way of looking at things but it is the only way to survive this process.  I simply do not know what the future will hold.  Will we be a big family? or will we be so discouraged by the continued losses and hardships that we give up?  Should we even be a big family?  I suppose God only knows the answers to these questions...and right now I seem to be hearing what God wants wrong because I keep getting surprised by how things turn out.  I guess it was silly for me to ever think I had a clue what God wanted from us as a family and from me individually.